Healthy Living

You know sometimes you meet that special someone who just makes life worth living. You go through hell and back for this person. Time seems to stand still at moments and then wham! You're off and going full speed ahead. Steve and I have had our fair share of moments like this. But a few months ago, Steve made a big decision in his life. He decided to go through the New Leaf program and conquer alcohol addiction. The 28 days he was gone made me realize just how much I truly loved him. I soon realized that I had to change my way of thinking. This relationship was not just about me. But us.

Of course I was lonely, depressed, cried, and sometimes just plain didn't do nothing. I had thoughts of Steve meeting someone in the program, falling in love, leaving me, starting a new life with someone else. Silly thoughts, I know. But I've heard the stories. Probably watched too many movies. I let laundry pile up, dishes were left in the sink till mold began to grow on them, floors and beds left dirty, and dust bunnies no longer had a place to hide! I had to get out of this funk I was in!

So I put my criminal justice degree to good use and researched online and realized that Steve was battling a demon he really needed to conquer. I read all I could about alcohol addiction and others' stories about the program and how it changed their lives. I soon realized this relationship wasn't about me. His decision to enter treatment was not about me. This was all about him and getting healthier. He was changing and I realized if he was going to succeed, I had to change to. Much like when you decide to lose weight. You change eating habits, exercise, etc. You learn to cope with cravings. And that's what I realized I had to change. I had to change right along with Steve. I have my own issues. For a long time, I've been a co-dependent in this relationship.

So I got myself up the day before he was scheduled to be released and began scrambling to get the house work done. I finished the ten loads of laundry, two sink fulls of dishes, dusting, making beds, sweeping floors, etc., just in the nick of time. I got rid of phone contacts who would obviously be a deterrent to Steve's full recovery. You know those people who are the "bad influence". I got rid of any evidence of "triggers". Those memories that would spawn the desire for him to have a beer. I did everything possible to make his homecoming great. But I was also nervous.

I thought to myself, what if I say the wrong thing? What if I do the wrong thing? He was coming out of this "bubble world". He was safe. The world could not touch him. He was learning new skills, and lifestyle changes. He had counselors, group therapy, peers, doctors, nurses, etc. All those people who were there to help him. They were managing to keep the world away from him. What happened when he stepped out from the "bubble" and entered the world. His old former self was in the world. A new man was about to emerge. How would he handle life? His former self was used to getting up every morning and soon after breakfast and a cup of coffee, the beer drinking would begin. And last all day till bedtime. Would this new man really be able to cope?

It's been almost a month now. Steve is really doing well. He's been placed on medication and is responding. He's had two appointments with counselors who are keeping close contact with him. He has activities scheduled to attend. One is an art show. Which surprises me but we are excited about it. He's not the artsy type. He is searching for an AA meeting place and sponsorship. Hopefully, we can find a location for him soon. At his last appointment, the counselor spoke highly of Steve and his confidence in him to go on and further his education. Which Steve is considering. He can become a certified peer specialist and work with others who are going through the same things Steve has experienced.

But what surprises me the most is our communication is so much better now. There is actual conversation instead of yelling. We have not had one argument since he came home. We've decided to go to the park on mornings when I get off work and walk. Steve has communicated to me he has no desire to drink now and I believe him, but it's always in the back of my mind that he will relapse. I dare not say or do anything that might cause him to have a reason to drink. And I remain positive and encourage him every chance I get. I let him know how proud I am of him and encourage him to consider what the counselors have said about getting his education. We have decided to change our eating habits and continue to monitor our health. We both need to lose weight. And we both still have work in progress to do. It's not easy. Lifestyle changes can be hard. But with the right mindset, I know we can do it.